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How to… become more assertive?

Remember a few situations in which you were not as assertive as you would like to have been, situations where you would have benefited from acting more assertively.

These situations could be ones when you were shy, felt apologetic, didn’t make eye-contact, were hesitant or too nervous… on the other hand, it could also have been situations when you might have looked fiercely at another person, invaded personal space or talked more loudly than necessary.

The alphaeight technique to help you become more assertive -

1. Sit down, get comfortable, close your eyes, and practice the alphaeight ‘Calm Place’ technique for entering the ALPHA STATE.

2. Imagine you are back in the Negotiation situations where you didn’t do so well. Observe all the ineffective things you may have done and make a list of Affirmations that would help you to do things better and be more assertive next time.


Examples of Affirmations can be:
‘I believe in and trust myself’
‘I always answer to criticism in a constructive way’
‘I have high self confidence’
‘I see criticism as information that empowers me’
‘I express myself spontaneously with a calm volume’


Do the exercise as often as you can each day – at least twice for about 3 weeks, the time to form a new brain connection.

3. Repeat the affirmation(s) in your head. The Subconscious needs to Visualise the result, See yourself as the person with the habits and personal skills you wish to have. The Subconscious needs to SEE to believe it is real.

Feel good about the result. Emotion is a very powerful stimulator of the Subconscious. The Subconscious needs to FEEL good about the result.

To change habits, we need to direct what we SEE, HEAR and FEEL so that the Subconscious, and the way it responds, is altered and the behaviours described will become new habits.


Our Tips

  • Seek to understand the other party’s feeling
  • Use ‘I’ instead of ‘You’ (‘I don’t know’ – ‘I don’t understand’ – ‘I feel’ – ‘I believe’ and not ‘You make me feel’ – ‘You make me do’ …)
  • The final choice in each decision belongs to you
  • Don’t worry about what others might think about you
  • Believe that you have the right to make mistakes
  • Focus on the positive aspects of yourself
  • State clearly what you want
  • Use an appropriate body language (eye contact, good posture, relaxed gestures, non emotional tone of voice)
  • Keep your emotions under control